Ok, so that last glowing entry about love?  It now goes a little
something like this…

*sound of toilet being flushed*

Apparently, things are never what they seem.  I was
listening to a gorgeous symphony on the radio, then the plug was
abruptly pulled.  I didn’t pull it. 

I’m still in a state of shock.  That really did happen, didn’t it?  Nevermind that glorious weekend.  Nevermind what I thought it all was.  Nevermind working things out.  Nevermind.  Nevermind.  Nevermind.

I can’t keep doing on-again, off-again.  The off-again this time really had nothing to do with me.  I did my best.

No self-recriminations this time.   No re-examinations.  I’m ok.  And pretty damn strong.

But my relationship love mechanism is shot.  My heart is numb.  And guarded. 

The somewhat unexpected surprise is the amount of support I’ve received from my friends.  When a person goes through hard times, people pop out of the woodwork to help. 

I’ve received all sorts of opinions, but my friend Louis really put it best:

“You are loved, Marie. The best advice I can give you is…don’t stop loving him. Your pain comes from shutting off your own heart towards him. You are a naturally loving person. Go with that! :) That is who you are and always will be.

You… don’t have to be in a relationship with him or be a doormat in order to love him (and thank goodness for that!) In fact, I’ll bet that you can see him with complete honesty now and realize that he is acting from fear and not malice. In fact, I KNOW that you can see him with a clear mind and heart. That’s just how awesome you are.”

Yes, Louis.  I’ll keep this in mind.  I will know this.  Eventually. 

In the meantime, Dad and I have been having some fun.  McDonald’s fun. 

It’s always about McDonald’s with him.  It’s his restaurant.  The man likes consistency.  (Though personally, I’ve had bad McDonald’s.  His opinion is still unswerving.)

We went a month ago and I had several mishaps.  I blame it on the charmingly distracting counter guy.  His coworker ordered almost the exact same thing as me.  I started eating french fries off his tray.  Mortification.  Then I spilled my drink all over the floor.  Mortification.  Then I had to go back for nugget sauce. 

I ordered salad, and when we finished, Dad tucked the extra dressing packet in his shirt pocket.  He had already licked the last of the nugget sauce out of the container.  He believes in no waste.  He’ll chew his ice down to the last cube.  He’ll stash leftover napkins in the glove compartment.  They always come in handy for later.   That stuff makes me love him more. 

Mom is in Maine, so Dad and I can party.  This means McDonald’s as much as we want.  His coupons must be used up, after all.  That is important.  We went Sunday night for free McNuggets.   I had to capture this:

Several nights later, we went for buy-one-get-one Big Macs.  I cannot remember EVER eating a Big Mac.

We finished with pumpkin pies.  I love pumpkin pie.  This will have to do. 

Because I doubt I’ll have any on Thanksgiving .  No Thanksgiving this year, really.  Mom nixed it.  Christmas may be nixed too.

So there is a void.  I should be discontented.  But I’m not.  I’m thankful.  I’m thankful for my strength.  I’m thankful for my friends and their sage advice.  I’m also thankful for eating with Dad at McDonald’s.  When the grand gestures of life are stripped away, you notice a lot of other things.