I am a barista. A few weeks ago, a family friend didn’t know what that term was and asked. I am a coffee slinger.

Slinging coffee has it’s own meditative rhythm. The whoosha-whoosha of the espresso lever. The tamp-tamp of packing the espresso into the portafilter. The hooking in to the espresso machine. The punch of the single shot or double shot button. The trickling of the espresso tail until it turns a creamy tan. The fizz-growl of the milk steaming. The steady build of glossy froth. Pour in the espresso (in addition to any flavoring, if at all), then the milk, then the topping. Stir, or not. I love the whole process, though I was a little intimidated by it at first. But you get used to something and come to love it.

I don’t drink caffeine much anymore, not even in soda. Though I sometimes drink caffeinated tea. Caffeine is a stimulant, and I don’t need extra stimulants in my life. This is probably heresy in a coffee shop, but I do drink decaf, though the taste isn’t quite the same. I used to only believe in caffeinated coffee, thinking decaf was for wimps. Huh. I had to change my tune.

What I revel in the most is the smell. Nothing beats the smell of coffee. Not even the taste, which is a dilution. I open a container for a fresh brew, the smell wafting up and delighting every time without fail. When I grind, there it is again, even stronger. I’d love to rub into my hands and behind my ears if I could. That is a little strange, I know. The smell. The smell! The only other smells I love as much are clean laundry, freshly baked anything, babies, and people I love.

There are people who like instant coffee. Wha…????? Instant coffee is like a frozen entree, an easy and convenient approximation. The flavors are there, but the depth and body are gone. It will do in a pinch, but after a while you want the real thing. Maybe I’m a coffee snob. Oh well.

I also like the customers. I like the customers who come in and order the same thing every day. I start remembering, shooting back their order to them. There is the quirky-cute British lady with her large latte and a cookie. The French guy with his cafe au lait. The regular guys with their regular house blend. The more intense types with their Italian roasts. The really intense types with their Italian roast red eyes (A red eye is a shot, or more, of espresso in coffee. Dark roast + espresso = Zowie!). The college students with their Jamaican Me Crazies.

Heh. This one is popular and my favorite too. It has flavors of rum, cinnamon, and pecan. My drink is an iced decaf Jamaican Me Crazy full-fat cafe au lait with flavor shots of brown sugar cinnamon and butter pecan. Quite a mouthful, but oh so yummy. I love the swirls of milk curling down when it hits the coffee. I remember being mesmerized by a video installation in the Seattle Asian Art Museum that was simply ink swirling in water. Making that coffee has the same effect.

Last Friday, I brought home my drink (without milk) and stored it in the fridge. I decided to make the milkshake version. I bought Haagen-Dazs vanilla ice cream. I swear by Haagen-Dazs for the purest mainstream grocery-store ice cream flavor. I have the remainder of a Breyers vanilla in the freezer too. Natural vanilla flavor and natural tara gum don’t cut it, sorry. (My dad proclaimed it waxy.) Haagen-Dazs? Cream, skim milk, sugar, egg yolks, and vanilla extract.

The next important element was the milkshake vessel. I went down to the basement. The glorious basement with all sorts of goodies from Mom’s retro kitchen collectibles business. When in doubt, go vintage. Noone else can buy it at Target. (Though I do love Target. I go by the philosophy of mixing old with new.)

I came up with Therm-o-ware, very appropriate. Though I had to clean dust and a dead moth out of them first. The elements were all in place, and I blended.

And tasted.

Mmmm. How I relish being a mad scientist. Maybe I’ll become a bartender next! A bartender who rarely drinks;-)

P.S. You can buy all of the milkshake elements yourself. The coffee I used can be ordered online here. (Click on the flavor drop-down menu.) The flavor shots are from Torani.